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The Longest Yard (2005) poster

2005 · drama · comedy · crime

The Longest Yard

Directed by Peter Segal1h 53m2005

Disgraced pro football quarterback Paul Crewe lands in a Texas federal penitentiary, where manipulative Warden Hazen recruits him to advise the institution's football team of prison guards. Crewe suggests a tune-up game which lands him quarterbacking a crew of inmates in a game against the guards. Aided by incarcerated ex-NFL coach and player Nate Scarborough, Crewe and his team must overcome not only the bloodthirstiness of the opposition, but also the corrupt warden trying to fix the game against them.

Our read: The Longest Yard (2005) reads as a neutral, kinetic, grounded drama · comedy · crime entry — measured in intensity, mid-stakes in scope, measured in temperature, ambivalent in outlook.

Movie DNA

Neutral, kinetic, measured drama / comedy, grounded in texture. Ambivalent, mid-stakes, measured.

ElsewhereIMDb6.4210kRT31%Metacritic48
  • brisk
  • intense
  • funny
Game · before you press play

Watching The Longest Yard tonight? Spin for your lens.

Everyone on the couch spins once and gets one craft to watch for. After the credits, compare what you caught.

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Everyone on the couch gets one craft to watch for. Spin the wheel to get yours. Sound on: the narrator reads your mission.

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Where the cast leads
DNA · twelve axes

How The Longest Yard feels to watch.

Each axis is scored by hand, not from votes or genre averages. The bar uses the film's own colours.

MoodHeavy ↔ Cosy
PacingSlow-burn ↔ Kinetic
IntensityGentle ↔ Extreme
WeirdnessConventional ↔ Surreal
HopeNihilistic ↔ Redemptive
StakesIntimate ↔ Epic
HumourNone ↔ Broad
RealityGrounded ↔ Fantastical
DensitySparse ↔ Twisty
WarmthCold ↔ Tender
AuteurTransparent ↔ Signature
Tonight, this looks like

What watching it is actually like.

“You want prison-yard underdog football played for big dumb laughs.”

ends triumphantyou’ll feel glowing aftersteady all the waygrips by minute 25attention 2/5earns its length
Date nightWith friendsSoloWith parentsKids around
Heads-upcringe humiliation

Skip it tonight — Skip if crude Sandler comedy or locker-room humiliation kills the mood.

Nearest by DNA

Eight films that feel like this one.

Closest in the twelve-axis space, not “people also liked”. All films like The Longest Yard, with why →

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